Waiting...

Waiting is my chosen word for the week.  I shared with a colleague/therapist my topic for the week and her scowled look with a guttural augh was priceless.   Waiting doesn’t seem to be a positive word however, I have learned while waiting there are many positives that are developed from the act of waiting.  So my question for you is what are you waiting for?  How patient are you in waiting?
  
Many of us have had to wait for a plethora of things in life such as that first kiss, a graduation date, the passing of a life changing exam, a wedding date, the birth of a baby, a promotion, surgery, a treatment date, and the list goes on. 

This week I’ve been waiting for insurance approval and a treatment team meeting.  The insurance approval came through on Friday so now I’m continuing to wait to hear from the treatment team in order to start radiation treatments.  I’m also waiting for my sweet Mother to recover from pneumonia and a staph infection. She’s going on her 3^rd week of in home IV’s and we’re still waiting for her recovery.

Waiting lessons I’ve learned: Resist the urge to run or fight. Actually, I consider freeze to be a more waiting mode. Romans 8:25 But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.  Waiting seems hard enough to do within itself but James 1:4 tells us to “Let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.”  I’ve learned my attitude while I’m waiting may have some baring to how long I wait.  Ultimately God’s time table and mine seem miles apart.  After all, we live in an instant society in which we have to have what we want now however, God’s timing is not hinged on our societal norms.  I’ve learned God’s timing is perfect.  From my perspective God sees the big picture, He as a bird’s eye view on the situation, and He knows the moment this change needs to occur.  I have learned God, the creator of the universe, and my being designer designed me and you for relationship with Him which makes waiting easier.  I Love that about Him!  He invites me/you to spend time with Him and he delights in our time together.  I like that I/we have an open invitation I don’t have to have a set appointment nor do I have to have my people get with His people to set an appointment…which is a good thing since I don’t have any people.   I had an 11 year-old Client who made that clear to me when we were determining our next appointment. I lightheartedly said to her I’ll have my people get with your people.  My Client promptly responded, “The last time we tried this my people told me you don’t have any people.” She caused me to laugh and she was right as it was her Mother and I together set her appointments.  So I’ve learned to be thankful that I am welcomed to come into God’s presence with an open invitation and, in this case, He doesn’t make me or you wait.  I’ve learned I can and choose to trust Him in the waiting.  What are you choosing to do while you’re waiting?  Are you running, fighting, throwing a tantrum or patiently waiting and trusting God with an appropriate attitude?  I am praying for you in your waiting…

Encouraging Scriptural words:

25 But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. 26 In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. 27 And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will. 28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:25-28 NIV

7A Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him Psalm 37:7A NIV 

31 But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.  Isaiah 40.31 NIV

Grateful!

Grateful is my word for the week.  On Tuesday I received a call from the Oncologist office and the kind lady proceeded to inform me that the doctor had read my CT scan and it was good.  I think she may have even used the word perfect.  So now my thoughts are spinning…what does this mean?  I responded, “He referred me to a Radiologist Oncologist so does this mean I don’t need treatment?”  Long story short she informed me that although the CT scan was good the treatment is based on the pathology report. 

On Wednesday I went for the simulation which includes a precise mark up on the body to put you in line for where the radiation is to be directed. They tell you not to scrub the marks off as they will need them to line you up with the machine.  They made a casting mold of my legs to hold them in place and gave me a 4” round ring to hold so I would remember not to move.  When the Radiologist Oncologist came in I shared with him the CT scan report of which I knew he’d already reviewed and he responded, “You still have to do treatment”.  Ok, so you can’t blame me for trying.  I asked for happy faces or hearts as I expressed I didn’t want to look like I was in a cult so one of the technicians obliged me, took a sharpie and drew a heart with a happy face inside on my belly. 

Currently I am waiting for a call to meet with the treatment team.  The process seems slow, however, it is affording me time to change my resistant attitude into a more amenable one.

So what am I grateful for?  I’m grateful… that there is no apparent cancer in other organs, for family and friends who are concerned, for my Sister and Trish who both have gone with me to appointments and waited, to countless others who have shared their love, care, support, availability, and again for YoU because you took your time to read my words. Thank you!

What are you grateful for? What things are you walking through? What is your attitude this week does it need an adjustment?  I hope the Bible scriptures below are encouraging words for your journey.

Encouraging words:

Give thanks in all circumstances for this is God's will in Christ Jesus. 1Thessalonians 5:18

A joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit drains one’s strength. Proverbs 17:22

I have made you. I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.  Isaiah 46:4

Don’t panic. I AM with you. There is no need to fear I will give you strength. I will help you.     I, your GOD have a firm grip on you and I AM not letting go. Isiah 41:10, 13

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail, they are new every morning great is YOUR faithfulness.  Lamentations 3:22-23

I choose Joy!

Thank you so very much for your beautiful words they are a huge encouragement on this hard journey. We enjoyed makin some good memories seeing family on Easter so I’ve attached my Big joy of the week photo including our lil tree climbing grand boy who lives in Oregon. 

I've been pondering this week between the CT scan and Radiologist Oncologist appointment the fact that this is definitely not how I would choose to make new memories. I have learned over the years that when we have an opportunity to make a choice it is more palpable than when something is chosen for us.  So this week I’ve been struggling with swallowing and digesting the information that has been provided for a journey not of my choosing however, I've made a defined choice to choose Joy.

 

I have concerns regarding radiation side effects.   I experienced unusual side effects with my legs from the robotic surgery and was prescribed a couple of months of PT, my ability to drive was delayed, and I walked with a cane for a short while so I've learned my body doesn't always  work as expected.   Now the cute, young Radiologist Oncologist is super confident that things are going to be just fine.  I choose Joy.

Scheduled for this coming week on Wednesday is the 3D CT scan for the Radiologist to use to determine the precise prescription for the radiation. I understand external radiation is going to be 15 minutes a day, 5 days a week, for 5 weeks plus 3 treatments of internal radiation. I choose Joy.

What life difficulties are you walking through? What choices are you making even when you feel you did not chose to walk through the current unpleasant circumstances?  There are lots of feelings to explore and lots of feelings surface however, even in circumstances not of our choosing we have a choice to make. Do we allow these circumstances to affect us negatively or positively? As for me this week I've decided to choose Joy.

Encouraging words:

Nehemiah  8:10b  For the joy of the Lord is your strength.

Psalms 16:11  You will show me the path of life: in Your presence is fullness of joy; at Your right hand there are pleasures for evermore.

Psalms 5:11  But let all those that put their trust in You rejoice: let them ever shout for joy, because You defend them: let them also that love Your Name be joyful in You.